Failures

Sometimes we try our hardest and still fail. I'm a perfectionist and a Virgo, so this not something I enjoy. Not that anyone enjoys failure. I've been recency frustrated in the ways of vintage hair which brought me to this. I cannot pin-curl, and it is eating my up inside. I can easily get my Marylin curls with sponge curlers, but I like to be authentic. I like knowing that was the way my grandmother and great grandmother did it. It makes me feel closer to them, although my one grandma is very much alive. While I listen to my boyfriend in my head "It takes practice!'. YES I KNOW, but I want to be good NOW!!!!!  My inner Veruca Salt coming out. Hey, I am the only girl in my family and the youngest. So I've tried books, and youtube tutorials, gadgets, and gizmos. I wish I could insert a Little Mermaid gif here. Am I just bad at it, is my hair too layered and fried? I guess I will still have to practice. I think I get frustrated and just quit most of the time. Maybe that is why I am not getting any better.

 It works with paintings too. In December I was just starting to hit my stride with painting portraits. I found Caroline, who is such a beauty and I decided to paint her. The painting turned out okay, and it was well liked by others, but I hated it. How could I ruin this beauty with my terrible painting. And its unfortunately stuck on my business cards now too. Since then I've graduated and have a few months away and I wanted to paint again. I started a portrait and it was going well and then... it wasn't. So instead of fight through it, I stopped. It was bad and I stop. That's not a terrible thing. I am disappointed that it didnt turn out, but there is no harm in not finishing something you're not liking. I was worried I was losing my touch, I thought I could never paint something again.

 So then I was going on vacation and I wanted a little project to work on, so I started another Caroline painting. Thankfully, I dont know how, but it turned out well. In the words of Mike "This one had a little magic" Which was a wonderful thing to hear. So yes we can screw up and fuck up, but you got to keep on going.  My brain is always flip flopping between me being a failure and a success (ten times a day) but, I think this painting was a success. Also I got a new scanner and that just makes everything better!